the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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