someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her vagine was all disorganized.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
