There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
