He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
