i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my liver is dry heaving
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
