i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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