Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
