I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
