i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
