; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
