I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
