I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
