Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
