I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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