At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
