so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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