we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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