one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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