What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
