I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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