I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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