I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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