well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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