You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize