Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
