I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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