he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
