next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
