Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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