Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
