I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
pray to the hookup gods
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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