just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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