From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i've created a new STD.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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