No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize