They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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