according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
