There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
