No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
