He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
