DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
