yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
