Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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