This girl is more easily done than said...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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