i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize