shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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