Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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