Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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