i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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