yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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