Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
