i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
