Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mom said you looked used
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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