I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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