Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
