he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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