and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
