so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
