So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
