i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
