Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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