508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize