He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
