is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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