is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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