Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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