there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize