I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
