Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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